Meanwhile, the mistakes and things left undone arrive on fire or with horns blaring, ready to stamp me with their seal of failure. They’re like the clowns in the parade, brightly adorned and unwilling to go unnoticed.
This wasn’t exactly what I had in mind.
I am aware that I can decide what’s parading through my mind. I don’t need to reflect on my year through the lens of inadequacy or failure. Honestly, it was a good year, both personally and professionally. What I’m realizing is that a couple of things left undone moving in to the new year are taking up all the space in my mind with a loud and critical voice.
I don’t want to push them under the rug or pretend that I don’t see them. But why is it so much easier to pour lemon juice on the cut, rather than putting a band-aid on it? When I forget to cultivate self-compassion, when I move away from my gratitude practice and my embodiment practices, I find myself in lemon juice mode before I know it.
I guess it’s like yoga - thinking about doing yoga is not the same as actually getting onto my mat. Without a practice - whether it’s yoga or self-compassion - I stiffen up and revert back to holding myself in old, habitual ways.
So, how do I hold space of self-compassion while continuing to grow and stretch and learn from my mistakes? A hot bath is not the metaphor I’m going for - I’m not looking for escape or surrender exactly. Neither is the Snuggi (my friend just got one of those for Christmas) - I don’t want to wrap myself up and disappear.
My cashmere scarf comes to mind - soft and warm, with elegance and rich color. I can wear it different ways - snazzy or simple. It offers comfort and beauty and gracefulness.
So maybe 2020 can be the year of the cashmere scarf - the year for self-compassion and acknowledgement, the year of gracefulness and beauty.
What intention are you holding as we move into the new year? What are you ready to let go of? What would you like more of?