J. S. Curtis Coaching
personal coaching for powerful change
  • About
    • About Me >
      • My Story
    • Inspiration
  • Services
    • Coaching >
      • Coaching through Transitions
      • Anchored and Adept in Uncertain Times
      • Magic and Meaning in Mid-Life
      • FAQ
      • Logistics
    • Workshops
    • Facilitation
    • Testimonials
  • Contact
  • Blog
    • Subscribe

Shouldering It

11/26/2019

0 Comments

 
Picture
I’ve been having some bodywork done the last few weeks, trying to help with a painful shoulder and arm. This morning, the practitioner was working on my “good” side - the one that hasn’t been hurting - and she said, “Well, this shoulder has a very clear idea of what its job is and how it wants to do its job." She continued, "It seems to be wondering why I’m suggesting some other ways of engaging the musculature when it’s been doing such an excellent job all along.”

Apparently, my shoulder wants to do all the work itself, without anyone's help. 


Yup, that sounds about right.

I have lived from that place of muscling through a fair amount over the years. Sometimes it just seems easier to grit my teeth and bear it rather than asking for help. In the case of childbirth (literally bearing it!), I had no patience for taking my time and taking it easy. The pushing stage of labor lasted for less than forty minutes each time (though in my daughter’s case we never got that far and she was a c-section). Muscling through pretty much sums up my go-to when things get hard.


Sometimes it’s couched as, “If I want something done well, I’ll do it myself.” The reality more often than not is that it isn’t about it not being done well enough; it’s about not being in control. That felt like the message from my shoulder this morning, “Hey, listen folks, I’ve been running this ship for a while now; I know what I’m doing and if you don’t mind, I’ll keep doing it my way.”

It would be easy for me to jump to critique here - give myself a hard time for having controlling tendencies, but I think my practitioner was onto something when she articulated the shoulder’s response to her suggestions. My shoulder and I have come by these tendencies honestly, as a means for taking care of something. It’s not necessarily my job to completely get rid of them (and the likelihood is slim, considering how long such habits have been in place). 

What I can do, however, is acknowledge what they have been taking care of. For my shoulder - it’s been heavy lifting and carrying. For my controlling tendencies - they’ve helped me meet expectations, bolstering feelings of worth and being deserving of love. 

Holding these tendencies in awareness and accepting them as having served a purpose helps me to be less hostile toward myself. I can explore other ways of being. I can notice my shoulder overworking itself, and I can ask my lats and hips to help out. I can practice showing vulnerability by asking for help; I can see myself as worthy and lovable just as I am; I can practice letting go. 

A metaphor that I introduce often in coaching is applicable here. If my conditioned response (ie. wanting to control) is a fist that is taking care of something, holding it and keeping it safe, I can try to pry my fingers open to get my fist to relax. Or I can simply hold my fist, not ask it to be anything else, just hold it lovingly with my other hand. It will likely soften. 

It feels like the Tai Chi of self-acceptance. Coming back, again and again; accepting myself, again and again; accepting the moment, again and again.

Beginning again, again and again. 



What message might your body have for you today? How might you be present to that message and hold yourself with compassion? What could that look like?


​
Picture
Jessica Curtis is a professional life coach who helps people cultivate intention and live from a place of meaning and authenticity. If you think you could benefit from working with Jessica or want to invite her to work with your group, reach out to start a conversation. ​
​
Sign-up to receive my newsletter and blog to your Inbox:
Subscribe
0 Comments
<<Previous

    Archives

    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2014
    August 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014

    Categories

    All
    Awe
    Balance
    Beginning
    Belonging
    Coloring
    Creativity
    Cycles
    Embodiment
    Fulfillment
    Geography
    Good Enough
    Gratitude
    Honesty
    Hope
    Intention
    Letting Go
    Living Space
    Loss
    Milestones
    Mindfulness
    Mortality
    Moving Forward
    Nature
    New Year
    Noticing
    Parenting
    Personal Growth
    Perspectives
    Practice
    Presence
    Questions
    Resilience
    Self Care
    Self Compassion
    Self-Compassion
    Simplicity
    Solitude
    Stillness
    Transitions
    Values
    Vulnerability
    Yoga Practice
    Zen

    RSS Feed

    Author

    Jessica Curtis is a coach, a writer and a spiritual seeker.

    I work with individuals wanting to dive deeper into their lives, to cultivate balance, foster self-awareness and nurture their souls.

    Through this blog, I invite you to explore and be curious: What are you learning about yourself? about your journey? 

    Contact me - I would love to chat with you about where you are now and where you would like to be.

Email:
jessica@jscurtiscoaching.com​

Phone:
​774-545-6659


​​​Jessica S. Curtis, M.Ed., CPCC, PCC

Picture
Picture
Copyright © 2020