J. S. Curtis Coaching
personal coaching for powerful change
  • About
    • About Me >
      • My Story
    • Inspiration
  • Services
    • Coaching >
      • Clergy Coaching Circles
      • Anchored and Adept in Uncertain Times
      • Magic and Meaning in Mid-Life
      • FAQ
      • Logistics
    • Workshops
    • Facilitation
    • Testimonials
  • Contact
  • Blog
    • Subscribe

Twenty Years Later

11/14/2017

0 Comments

 
Picture
Sitting here in front of the blank screen, I start to wonder where the morning went. My growling stomach tells me it is almost lunchtime. Shawn Colvin is playing in the background and the cat who thinks she is a dog won’t stop licking my face.

I haven’t listened to Shawn Colvin in a long time. Twenty years ago, she would have been at the top of my playlist, except we didn’t have playlists back then.

And if it weren’t for the sandpaper tongue of the cat, I might be myself at twenty-five again, hearing this music. I can feel the energy of that person around the edges, wanting so badly to figure out who she was and who she was meant to be, and desperately wanting to get it right. Get it all right.

I had so much freedom at that time with no family demands, just a job to show up for. The rest of my time was my own to create what I wanted. And yet, I didn’t feel free at all. I was shackled by the fear of missing the boat, of not doing life right, of being alone in the end.

I spent a lot of time writing in my journal - always in the form of questions. What does this mean? What does that mean? Who is inside of me and what does she know about this thing called life? How will I know if I am on the right path? I was determined to figure it all out.

​I never did figure it all out.

But twenty years have passed, and now I can see how that level of pressure and self-scrutiny merely created rigidity, angst and disappointment.

There was no one “a-ha” moment for me that shifted my mindset from one of self-preservation to one of self-love. Awareness came in bits and spurts... especially once I became a parent and recognized the need to let go of expectations and the need to be okay with not being perfect. Because... hello... kids. It’s like their main job - to help their parents be imperfect.

It has been a long road of awareness building and trying and failing and trying anew that has moved me along on this quest to simply embrace being me.

In this moment, I can sit with that twenty-five year old version of myself and offer her some compassion and ease. It's okay not to have everything figured out. You're perfect just as you are.


These days I don’t have nearly as much free time as I did at twenty-five to focus on myself and do things just because they please me. My time is mostly taken up with taking care of others and running a household.

And yet, on the inside, I feel freer than ever: to discover who I am and who I am becoming, to explore what brings meaning and fulfillment to my life, to simply love the person that I am showing up as today.

After all, she is the only me I’ve got.


Where in your life do you put pressure on yourself? What would it look like to ease off that pressure? What are you appreciating in yourself today? 



Picture
Jessica Curtis is a professional coach who helps people cultivate intention and live from a place of meaning and authenticity. If you think you could benefit from working with Jessica or want to invite her to work with your group, reach out to start a conversation.

​

Sign-up to receive my newsletter and blog to your Inbox: ​​​​​
Subscribe
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Archives

    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2014
    August 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014

    Categories

    All
    Awe
    Balance
    Beginning
    Belonging
    Coloring
    Creativity
    Cycles
    Embodiment
    Fulfillment
    Geography
    Good Enough
    Gratitude
    Honesty
    Hope
    Intention
    Letting Go
    Living Space
    Loss
    Milestones
    Mindfulness
    Mortality
    Moving Forward
    Nature
    New Year
    Noticing
    Parenting
    Personal Growth
    Perspectives
    Practice
    Presence
    Questions
    Resilience
    Self Care
    Self Compassion
    Self-Compassion
    Simplicity
    Solitude
    Stillness
    Transitions
    Values
    Vulnerability
    Yoga Practice
    Zen

    RSS Feed

    Author

    Jessica Curtis is a coach, a writer and a spiritual seeker.

    I work with individuals wanting to dive deeper into their lives, to cultivate balance, foster self-awareness and nurture their souls.

    Through this blog, I invite you to explore and be curious: What are you learning about yourself? about your journey? 

    Contact me - I would love to chat with you about where you are now and where you would like to be.

Email:
jessica@jscurtiscoaching.com​

Phone:
​774-545-6659


​​​Jessica S. Curtis, M.Ed., CPCC, PCC

Picture
Picture
Copyright © 2020