And something happened while I was out there.
There I was talking to myself inside my head, like I always do. I was bemoaning my lack of flexibility at yoga class earlier. And then giving myself a hard time about the online yoga subscription that I am paying for and not using. What a waste.
And then my thoughts turned back to my writing - which I had just left in a huff. I am writing crap right now. Nothing new. Nothing worth reading. Nothing worth spending three hours of my morning on. What a waste.
And then I noticed the refrain: “What a waste...”
So, I paused. And I let my mind be quiet for a moment.
And then the question bubbled up, “What if what a waste becomes a mantra or a way of life?”
Is that how I want to be talking? Is that how I want to be treated?
I continued to hang the damp clothes, feeling the sun on my back. I felt my shoulders unwind just a bit. It was a beautiful morning to be hanging out laundry.
In that moment, something shifted. I felt gratitude and appreciation well up inside of me. Gratitude for the sunshine and simplicity of my task, appreciation for the insight.
And here is the insight: if I hold on to the mantra what a waste, that is what will show up. Time wasted, words wasted, money wasted, a life wasted.
So, here I am, running back to my computer to write this down. Nothing has to be a waste.
I went to my first French yoga class this morning. I now have a yoga mat so I can also do yoga at home.
I struggled with three hours of trying to write this morning, so that I could figure this out. And then write it down.
When I choose to give myself a hard time, it will only serve to make things harder.
That is not the choice I want to make.
How have you been treating yourself lately? What does kindness toward yourself look like?