Not only is it the turning of the calendar year that gets to me, but one week after the fact, I am celebrating my daughter’s birthday and noticing that I am halfway through my current age number (unlike past years, I am pretty confident that I have the number right this time around.)
These things have a habit of transpiring every January. And literally just like clockwork - TICK, TICK, TICK, TICK.
I suggested to my daughter that she take a year or two off from getting older (ie. growing up). She didn’t bite.
I find myself looking at old pictures. An eight year old with missing front teeth, the first day of preschool, holding her brother’s hand, a wistful look at twelve months, as if she already knew what my heart would feel looking back fourteen years later.
As for my own growing older, I don’t need to look at photographs to be reminded. I’m currently typing for ten minutes and then walking over to my yoga mat to lie on the floor for ten minutes, trying to get the tightness in my back to ease up before spasms arrive.
“Slow down, slow down, slow down,” I want to yell at the clock.
“Slow down, slow down, slow down,” my back is reminding me.
Whether I like it or not, my body will find ways to get me to listen. And so I slow everything down. Putting on socks and putting away dishes at tortoise speed, spending time on the floor on my back with no to-do list in sight. Just lying there, looking at the ceiling.
That’s the funny thing, when I work on staying present in the moment, when I work on being still, time expands. The moment opens to a sense of infinite and the ticking turns into a rhythmic heartbeat.
I am here. I am here. I am here.
Apparently, I knew what I needed when I set an intention for the start of the year. It’s been one week, and here I am, pulling myself back on track. I guess that’s better than running off the rails.
So, I am off to lie on my yoga mat again.
Instead of letting that tick, tick, ticking back into my head, I am going to focus on the very present sounds of being alive: heartbeats and breath.
What is your relationship to time? How might stillness have an impact on you today?
Jessica Curtis is a professional coach who helps people cultivate intention and live from a place of meaning and authenticity. If you think you could benefit from working with Jessica or want to invite her to work with your group, reach out to start a conversation.